Room For Improvement…

Define the term “softie” to me…
it is someone that falls in love with a stray animal the moment they see them?
is it someone that can’t control tears welling up in their eyes as they watch The Voice because they love watching dreams come true?
is it someone that forgets they hate endurance running at a 24HR event because they are so moved by the people?
It’s a good thing, right?

Well, I’m definitely a sap… I love the idea of romance and the magic of love. I adore animals and that certainly includes Baghera, the black cat I found last Friday. He’s an attention whore and he loves Roxanne, my lab. Roxanne, I’m relatively certain, wants to eat him. However, I’m almost embarrassed by how incredibly soft I am sometimes.

Passionate…
Kind…
Patient…

all good characteristics… and yet on the average day, my phone is quiet… I bond with my pets (this does include talking to them of course) and suffer with my ADHD unable to accomplish much of anything.

I am awkward, lack confidence, and have serious issues remembering names, places, and things said. I make a terrible friend and therefore, I have few. I don’t ever text first. I don’t call because somehow talking on the phone has become awkward to me. Skype and facetime? forget about it unless it’s my husband.

You tell me about your surgery coming up in 2 weeks and unless I write it down on my planner, I will forget.
I neglect to look at my planner most of the time because I suck at time management. I work, I sleep, I eat, I sweat, and I think. That’s essentially my life.

4/5 days this doesn’t bother me.
but on the one day it does, the way my brain functions… it cripples me
I overanalyze merely messaging a friend to say hello.

Today I will begin a step towards changing that.

Who cares if the conversation is short? That’s not the point
The point is to say hello. To let someone know you care.
In fact… it’s almost better the more random it is!

How am I ever going to bond with other people if I don’t invite them out?
So what if I don’t get drunk and stay out late…
What’s wrong with grabbing coffee or catching a movie?
or inviting someone to come to yoga?
If I am always told no, nothing changes…
but! there is a chance that someone, someday will say yes.

How am I ever going to bond with people if I don’t try…
Try to listen and retain information
Ask questions
Try to answer questions simply and without great depth initially. (Not everyone wants the whole story… if they are interested they will ask. That’s something I struggle greatly with)
Try to be less judgmental of character than I am (definitely room for improvement since I’m no saint myself)

More than anything, I keep myself away from people because I don’t like me most of the time.
I know you don’t know that. And you probably don’t care.
But what’s the point of having a blog if I don’t write what I think and feel?
What I truly think and feel.

There is always room for improvement…

Reach out more
Be me more
Be true

Gotta get some sunshine through my rainy mind in order to create a rainbow…

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